Validation and approval from others is a gift and a curse
It means we care what others think or feel, which is great if it’s our duty to serve them such as a personal trainer that cares about their clients seeing progress, a teacher that wants their students to succeed or any other leader that has integrity in what they do.
It’s also also our “Achilles heel” as we lose confidence in making decisions based on what we truly want as we’re constantly seeking approval from others if it’s the “right choice”.
This is my greatest strength and also my biggest challenge
It drives me to perform and then will cripple and freeze me in my steps when I lack certainty.
It has a major impact on ALL areas of my life that require decisions – from business to fitness.
From eating crap foods or sticking with my diet.
To blowing money when I shouldn’t to saving and investing in my future.
So what does this have to do with health and fitness?
What doesn’t it, is the better thing to ask.
I see it so often – the mom that wants to look and feel her best, improve her health, lose weight and boost her self-image for example.
She decides “ok, this is it – this is my time to take control of my life!”.
She puts the time in to get to the gym, prep her food in advance and make the right decisions, but then something happens.
She turns up to a get together at her favorite restaurant and doesn’t want to “be a pain” and order healthy things.
She also doesn’t want to feel left out so she enjoys a few drinks just like her friends.
No one wants to be the “odd ball” right?
Then she beats herself up for the next week because of the scale and how she feels.
Was it worth it? No. She immediately regrets her decision (which was really everyone else’s decision) and falls off the wagon.
The next week she’s back on plan – but puts her kids before herself.
She could’ve planned better – but is so focused on feeding her kids and keeping them happy that she forgets about herself.
Do you see what’s happening?
It’s reactive not proactive.
She’s last on the list of things that are important.
Look – not every day will be perfect. Not every meal will be good for you.
Just be honest that you’ll get what you want in life – whether that be more respect, better health, the body you want or even the job or career that leaves you feeling fulfilled.
Being able to make decisions and becoming an independent thinker is easer said than done – but it’s how we build our confidence.
From making decisions and STICKING to them.
By waivering because someone isn’t thrilled rarely serves us.
I find there are times where I make the “other” decision that goes against my goals and I end up being thrilled I did.
But these choices we make that don’t take us forward and closer to the life we want…..we must choose wisely. EVERYTHING comes at a cost.
If you go out late with friends and family and put your professional life on the backburner, is it worth it to you at that moment? You may still wake up early and do what you need to do – but maybe with a hangover that limits your productivity.
Sometimes that’s exactly what we need.
But know when you are making the decisions and the price you pay.
This isn’t to pass judgment – but share perspective and awareness.
WHY do we do what we do is the first thing we must answer for ourselves. Is it for US or someone else?
Is pleasing another what we really want or is it social pressure that really means little in the end.
WHAT we do is the next thing. If we cheat on our diet, is it a sample or two, or do we go OVERBOARD.
I’ve been guilty of this plenty of times in my life.
This is just a thought I wanted to share. We ALL have control over our actions as we manage our thoughts and physical state.